Learn To Love Again
by xxlovely
Summary: <html><head></head>It had been years since they had seen each other and neither of them ever envisioned crossing paths again, let alone like this. Both of them had suffered an unimaginable loss, but could they, together, learn to love again? Donna/Harvey</html>
1. Chapter 1

**Learn to love again.**

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><p><em>And the journey waits for no one<em>

_ If no one breaks the mould _

_And our hearts are stronger _

_Than we know_

_That you and I could learn to love again_

_ After all this time _

_Maybe that is how I knew you were the one_

_ That you could still believe in me again after all our trials _

_Maybe that is how I knew you were the one_

**_Learn To Love Again- Lawson._**

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><p>She wasn't ready for this.<p>

She knew she wasn't ready for this, and yet here she was sitting in the passenger seat of her best friends car, staring at the non descript building, her stomach churning uneasily, her head pounding. Her nails dug into her wrists, the sharp scratches soothing her nerves as she let out a shaky breath, wishing she could just crawl back into bed and sleep the world away like she had been doing for months.

But her friends and family had other plans.

It had only been nine months.

Stuart had only been gone for nine months and Donna was sure, in fact she was certain, that nine months wasn't an adequate period of time to mourn the death of your husband, to accept that the man you committed yourself to for the rest of your life was gone forever. After all, it wasn't as if she was ever going to wake up one morning and be okay with the fact that she was alone in the world, and the love of her life was dead.

But as far as her mom and best friend Carla were concerned it was about time she stopped existing and started living again, and that's when they suggested therapy. Donna had never be adverse to the idea of therapy, it helped a lot of people, it clearly had its purpose, but a public counseling group for individuals who have lost a spouse? She wasn't convinced. It was one thing, sitting in a room with a shrink, laying down on a couch as you tell them all your wordily problems, but it was another telling complete strangers the story of the most painful thing to ever happen to you.

But here she was, against her will ready to do just that. "I can come in with you if you want..." Carla spoke up from beside her, giving her a reassuring smile.

Donna scoffed out a laugh, shaking her head as she tore her gaze away from the building, aimlessly looking at the people walking across the car park. "No, I think there's going to be enough crazy in there without adding you into the mix."

"Well I can at least wait for you? Give you a ride home?" she tried, desperate to get any form of positive response from her friend, missing the sassy, sarcastic red haired wonder.

"It's not that far Carla, I'll walk. I'm not going to break in to a million pieces if I see a happy couple walking past me on the street, I'm a big girl."

Carla sighed in defeat, throwing her hands up in surrender "Okay" she breathed, turning herself in her chair to look at the red head "If you change your mind, give me a call" Donna nodded "and don't run out of the building as soon as you see my car pull away."

She cracked a smile as Donna rolled her eyes "Don't worry I wont try and reenact the Great Escape, you're good."

"Good" she nodded curtly. "Now go" she shooed with a flick of the hands "and good luck"

Donna grabbed her Kate Spade purse as she exited the car, the cool autumnal breeze making her silently wish she brought a jacket with her as her legs dragged her body across the length of the car park. The inside of the community Centre reminded her of an old school room, an array of different coloured chairs scattered about the place, fliers promoting various classes and courses pinned up on the walls, but it was the large sign in black and white scrawl that made her stomach flip.

'Spouse Grief Counseling- Main Hall.'

"Fabulous" she muttered to herself, inhaling deeply as she walked through the corridors towards the hall, surprised at how full it was. Sure, this was New York City and not some small town in the middle of Wisconsin, but it still rendered her speechless at how many people had turned up to the Centre in Brooklyn.

She expected to feel instantly out of place, thinking that she would have been surrounded by a group of people in their 60's or 70's grieving over the loss of their loved ones as a result of long term illness or natural causes, but she was wrong. A frown formed on her lips as she noticed one girl sitting in the corner, who could have been no older than 25 clutching an army medal between her hands.

Taking a seat in the middle of the room, Donna sunk into the seat, wrapping her chunky knit cardigan around herself as a middle aged woman with frizzy hair entered the room, a wide smile on her face. "Good morning!" she exclaimed looking around the group "As most of you know, I'm Gloria, and I run this counseling session with the hope that together we can overcome the pain and grief associated to losing a spouse and learn to move on with our lives."

Donna already hated the woman.

She sat silently as she invited a member of the group up to talk about their story and their progress, watching the woman as she nodded intently, eyes narrowed as the man spoke about losing his wife to a sudden brain haemorrhage six weeks prior. Donna found herself rolling her eyes as the group leader clapped overenthusiastically, praising the man for being so open with his struggles, telling him that it was okay to cry. She knew it was okay to cry, after all, Donna had cried her fair share of rivers over the last few months, but the woman's overly chirpy and patronising tone, only rubbed her up the wrong way.

"I bet she has never got laid, let alone had the chance to grieve for a spouse" a voice muttered from behind her, causing a small, amused smile to tug at Donna's lips. At least one person here had a sense of humor and didn't look like they were about to throw themselves off of a cliff.

She kept her eyes focused on the front of the room, watching the clock as the seconds ticked by, zoning out as the intolerably nasally woman picked out another widow from the group, asking them to share their depressing story. Donna was knocked out of her daze as the sound of a chair screeching behind her caught her attention, a dark haired male coming into her peripheral vision as he walked towards the front of the group, his head hung low. Her eyebrows furrowed together as she narrowed her eyes at the man, noticing something somewhat familiar about his posture, about the way he held himself, despite hiding his face, but she couldn't quite put her finger on it.

She leant back into the uncomfortable plastic chair as the man ran a hand through his disheveled hair, slowly raising his head to look at the group. Donna sucked in a breath, a quiet gasp escaping her lips as she caught sight of his face, shock rendering her body motionless as she stared in disbelief.

It couldn't be...It just couldn't.

And then it clicked, that voice she had heard cracking that joke in poor taste only moments before _had_ sounded strangely familiar.

It had been years since she had last seen him or heard his voice, it had been years since the very sight of him made her heart pound against her chest like it was doing so now. A feeling that since Stuart's death had only been associated with grief and panic. He looked the same, but older, the decade that had passed since the last time they had seen and worked together at the District Attorney's office, showing around his eyes.

She gulped as the realization hit her, a wave of sadness washing over her because if he was here, it could only be for the same reason she was. She wanted to run, her mind screaming at her body to move, to find the nearest exit and get the hell out, but she remained frozen, mouth open, eyes wide.

The man's eyes scanned the room, his words coming out on a stutter as his gaze fell on Donna, recognising her instantly, his expression mirroring hers.

"I'm Harvey Specter, and I lost my wife six months ago."

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><p><strong>Perhaps starting another story isn't the wisest move I've made, but this idea has been on my mind for ages and much like Baby Be Mine, it's come quite easy to me so writing it wont be as hard as Maps.<strong>

**Let me know what you think, if you like it, I'll continue it. I know it's AU- only so many stories you can write in the confines of that law firm.**

**Show the love.**

**Peace out.**


	2. Chapter 2

She stared at the man she once knew, watching his face twist and morph into a painful expression she could relate to, an expression that could barely do justice to the way it felt losing someone you love. But there was something about seeing Harvey Specter like that, that made her stomach churn like a washing machine, her visioning tunnelling. Harvey Specter had always been so together, nothing ever got to him, after all he didn't believe in emotions, they were a sign of weakness. She heard through an old colleague back at the DA's office that Harvey had lost his Dad a few years back, knowing how close the two of them were. She thought of tracking him down, paying him a visit but too much time had passed, and too much was left unresolved from the last time that they saw one another, that an anonymous flower arrangement sent to the church seemed enough. Enough for her conscious that is.

Harvey stared at Donna, convinced he had seen a ghost, his fingers finding their way to his wrist as he pinched himself, desperate to know if this was real or just another nightmare. Closing his eyes momentarily he let out a deep breath, wondering why the hell he agreed to come here in the first place. If it wasn't for his goddamn nosey associate, he could be at home right now with an ice-cold beer in his hand. Damn Jessica Pearson for making him hire his own associate, he had lost his wife, not his brain, Harvey Specter was still more than capable of doing the job in hand.

"I" he started "lost my wife, Charlotte in March. She was 34." Donna closed her eyes, finding it unbearable to listen to Harvey tell his story as he put a name to the source of his grief. "She was a ticking time bomb, and neither of us knew. One second she was here, and the next, she was gone."

Donna clutched her chest, her breaths getting more and more shallow as she felt the room close in on her, suffocating her. She had to get out, she couldn't listen to him any more. She pushed her chair back harshly, screeching across the floor as Harvey trailed off, falling silent. She shook her head frantically, letting out a shaky breath as she looked at all the faces that had turned towards her, staring at her as if she had lost her mind. Holding her bag tightly to her chest she ran, stumbling over her feet as she pushed open the swinging doors, gasping for breath as the cool air hit her. Her hands blindly searched for something to hold onto, to support her wobbling legs as she collapsed down onto the floor, her back sliding against the wall.

Harvey watched her scramble out of the room, his eyes widening as she fled, his pulse quickening. He looked around at the group of people before him, beginning to whisper and talk amongst themselves as his legs took control over his brain, following her out of the hall. He came to a halt as he exited the building, finding Donna sitting on the floor, head in her hands sobbing. It had been a decade since he last saw her face, and although he wished frequently to see her once more, this was not how he pictured it. He took a cautious step towards her, not knowing just how to react around her. He couldn't just pick up where they left of, he couldn't pretend they were acquaintances let alone friends, too much had happened.

But she was still Donna, she was still _his_ girl Friday. The one that got away.

He sat down beside her, putting a hand on her knee as she flinched from his touch, her head slowly rising to look at him. She felt stupid, so desperately out of character, so lost. She was Donna Paulsen (she never did change her name), she was a feisty, confident woman, she lit up every room she walked in to. But that light had been dimmed ever since Stuart left and even though she desperately wanted to turn that light back on, she didn't know how. She sniffled, wiping the tears from her face as she rolled her eyes, noticing the mascara that had transferred onto her sleeve "goddamn lying mascara. Waterproof my ass"

Harvey let a small smile spread across his lips as he looked out towards the car park "Tell me about it, waterproof mascaras are the bane of my existence, just cant seem to find _the one._"

She pulled out a tissue from her bag, shaking her head, feeling her cheeks flush red "I'm sorry" she apologized lamely "I just..."

"Yeah" he agreed, not needing her to verbalize the words. The pair fell silent, their brains running wild as they tried to process the fact that they were both here, after all these years, going through the same excruciatingly painful ordeal.

"You look exactly the same" she smiled, her sobs subsiding.

"You look better, Red." he breathed.

She bit her lip harshly, an involuntary shiver running down her spine at the nickname, Harvey's voice resonating through the memories in her mind '_You know you'll always be my number one Red, you know that right?'. _She gulped harshly, no one had ever called her Red before or after Harvey, it had been so long, she had almost forgotten it.

"I look like a ginger panda" she replied, staring at her lap. "I really am sorry for storming out like that, that was rude of me..."

He patted her on the knee "I would have probably done the same, perhaps a little bit more dramatically though." he paused " It's a shock for me too, you know."

"Surreal" she mused.

"Isn't all of this?" he countered "I still think that one day I'll wake up and realize I hit my head and fell into a coma."

Donna looked at her watch, her body exhausted, her head pounding. "I should get going" she announced, shakily getting to her feet.

Harvey mirrored her moves "Can I give you a ride?" he offered, not wanting to say goodbye just yet. It had been months since he had been in the company of someone who wasn't being overly patronizing when trying to be sympathetic. It had been a long time since he had been around someone who didn't silently watch him in the hopes that he wouldn't break, or explode.

She shook her head, smiling politely "No, I'm good. I need to stop past a shop and get supplies so I can shame eat myself into a state of oblivion"

Harvey nodded curtly, he wasn't going to push. "See you next week?" he asked somewhat hopefully, referring to the next meeting.

She just shrugged as she started to walk away, leaving Harvey standing glued to the ground, watching her quite possibly walk out of his life once more.

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><p>Harvey threw his keys on the table by the door, quickly flicking through the mail that had been placed on the side before entering the living room. He gave his brother a tight lipped smile, as he placed a finger to his lips, signalling Harvey to be quiet.<p>

"How longs she been down?" He asked, dragging his dumb body towards the cot in the corner, staring at the small child sleeping peacefully.

His brother, Marcus shrugged "About an hour. She did not go down without a fight" he laughed quietly giving his brother a pointed look "much like his father."

Harvey smiled, his heart swelling as he just stared at his daughter, his eyes flickering to the picture frame on the side, a picture of Harvey and Charlotte on their wedding day. "its scary how with each day, she looks more and more like her."

Marcus nodded sadly, not knowing how to reply. "So how was the meeting?". Marcus had signed Harvey up to the group weeks ago, but until now, he had made excuses week after week.

"Yeah" he breathed "It was fine." he gave him a reassuring nod, not ready to tell him about Donna just yet.

"Do you think you'll go next week?"

"Yeah...maybe. I guess."

Marcus smiled, finally getting a breakthrough with Harvey "good."

"Thanks for watching her, again" he said, signaling towards the little girl.

"No worries, same time next week?"

"Yeah."

Marcus left Harvey alone with his daughter, as the soothing sounds of rain filled his ears, drops of water hitting against the windows lightly. He couldn't tell you how long he sat staring out the window or at Lottie's crib, letting his mind go into over drive, reliving memories of his past life.

_"__Harvey" she sung his name as she tiptoed into their bedroom, crawling across the bed as she nudged him awake "Harvey" she tried again, growing increasingly impatient._

_He groaned, rubbing his tired eyes as he dared to open one, only to be greeted with the smiling face of his wife "Morning" he mumbled, giving her a peck on the lips. She just continued to smile as he furrowed his eyebrows, confused by her lack of response or movement. "What?" He sat up, now fully aware of his surroundings, watching his wife fight to keep whatever she had to say to herself._

_"__I'm sick" she blurted out excitedly._

_"__O...kay?" he replied slowly "Do you need me to get you some Advil? Take you to the doctor?"_

_"__I've been sick for two weeks" she added, now practically jumping up and down on the mattress. Harvey just looked at her in confusion, completely lost. "Harvey!" she hit him playfully, not understanding how he hadn't picked up on what she was saying. "I'm pregnant!"_

_She watched as his face erupted into a massive smile, his mouth falling open in shock as he struggled to find the words to formulate a response. "Y-you...are? Pregnant?"_

_She nodded "Yep!" she showed him the positive test as she threw her arms around his neck, squealing in joy. Harvey held her tightly, glad that head was buried in his neck, unable to see his eyes glazing over with tears, feeling completely overwhelmed._

_The pair had been trying for over a year with little success, Charlotte blaming their stressful careers, whilst Harvey silently wondered if it was his fault._

_"__How far along?"_

_She shrugged "A few weeks I guess. We have an appointment with the doctors tomorrow."_

_"__I'm going to be a dad?" he had to ask again._

_"__Yep."_

A frown played on Harvey's lips as he ran his hands down his face before rubbing his temples. They had been so excited to start a family, and it was taken from them almost immediately. For years Harvey had been so career driven, that the prospect of getting married or having children was a far off thought, something that he thought he could leave without regret. But time had changed his priorities or perhaps it had just unearthed feelings he had buried years ago.

He felt guilty as his mind drifted away from his late wife to Donna, the sight of her today quickening his pulse for the first time since Charlotte's passing, a feeling that had since riddled him with shame. But Donna had been such a large part of Harvey's life for nearly four years. There was no denying that if things had played out differently at the time, that both of their futures could have been so very different.

_"__You know...It's just occurred to me that you and I don't work together anymore?" he smirked as he leant against the door frame, his eyes shamelessly dragging themselves up and down her body._

_Donna fought the urge to roll her eyes at him "Yeah" she nodded "that didn't just occur to you."_

_His smirk turned into a smug grin, not feeling remotely guilty that he had just been caught out on his poor attempt of a lie "No, it didn't."_

_She half shrugged, biting her lip as she fluttered her eyelids at him, she had him right where she wanted. "Do you know how I know that?"_

_"__Because you knew I'd show up here the second you heard I quit?" he replied, still being the same old Harvey Specter, egotistical as ever._

_She cocked her head to one side, raising an eyebrow as she raised her hand from her side, revealing the can of whipped cream "Why do you think I have this in my hand?"_

_He bit his lip, finding it increasingly difficult to keep his composure, growing ever more uncomfortable in the confines of his suit trousers. "What are we waiting for?"_

_"__For you to figure out its time to come inside" that's all he needed to hear as she opened the door further, wordlessly ushering him in as he pushed the door closed behind him._

He sighed, remembering the day where life at the time changed for the both of them, where he had so many possibilities to change the course of their lives, but he chose the selfish route, a route that inevitably destroyed the two of them.

He wondered what sort of man Donna married, that whoever he was had made her happy for a long time, a man who had made a lasting impression in the red heads life. He had so many questions he wanted to ask Donna, so many gaps he wanted to fill in the timeline of their lives, but he knew they were a long way off of achieving that, if ever.

Harvey was knocked out of his thoughts as Lottie (Charlotte- named after his late wife) stirred in her crib, gurgling. He smiled as he reached over, scooping the child up into his arms, her bright blue eyes staring at him in amazement, a heart melting smile forming on her tiny lips. "Well look who's finally decided to say hello to daddy" he cooed quietly, taking her little fingers in his "Did uncle Marcus bore you to sleep?"

She let out a yawn "Clearly someone's already bored of me too." he laughed, shaking his head in amusement as he placed her back in the crib, sleep overcoming her once more.

Harvey spent the rest of his day digging up memories he had stored in the back of his mind, leaving him with one concluding thought as he fell asleep that night, that he hoped Donna would be at the meeting next week.

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><p>Donna dragged herself around her house, her mind exhausted from a busy day at the office. Not much had changed for Donna regarding her career, she still worked as an executive assistant, but to the producer of a Broadway show. But for her, it was her dream. Donna had always enjoyed organizing someone's life, helping them reach their maximum potential, not to mention her obsessed for the stage, giving her the perfect combination of the two.<p>

The house was quiet these days, every room still littered with reminders of Stuart. For the first few months after his death, Donna's parents moved in with her, convinced that if she was left alone she would take a bath with a toaster or stick her fingers in a plug socket. Instead she simply watched grey's anatomy over and over again, whilst consuming enough Milk Duds to put the company in the FTSE 500. At the time, the idea of having her parents baby her, drove her insane, but in hindsight she missed the company, missed not feeling completely alone. It was her own stubbornness that had gotten her into this situation, being faced with countless opportunities to move back home or move into Carla's apartment, but no, she didn't want to give up her home. _Their home._

She changed out of her work attire, throwing on an old Yale sweatshirt of Stuarts, letting it swamp her petite frame as she cooked herself dinner, consuming a bottle of red wine in the process. She had come to realize that being left alone with your thoughts can be dangerous, but ever since the grief meeting a few days back, it had reached a whole new level. It was as if someone had poured salt into her barely healed wounds, whilst simultaneously thrusting Harvey back into her life.

Donna groaned as her phone went off, noticing Bertha's name appear across the screen. "What do you want you old witch?" she greeted, a smile tugging at her lips. Bertha had worked alongside Donna at the District Attorneys office, and although they didn't appear to get on at work, outside of the work place they had become friends, and even after all these years they still managed to talk once a week.

"Just checking that you haven't become a crazy cat lady since we last spoke" she joked.

"And I see they haven't turned the life support machine off for you yet."

"Your words would hurt if I gave a crap."

Donna laughed as she climbed the stairs, entering her bedroom as she picked a book from her bookcase. "I do have news though." she breathed, needing to vent to someone. "I finally went to one of those counselling sessions."

"Depressing?" Bertha asked.

She scoffed out a laugh "Oh yeah, you should have seen me, if a medical professional had been there, I would have been institutionalized."

"Any particular reason, or did you fancy creating an everlasting first impression?"

"Harvey." Donna answered simply, throwing back the covers to her bed as she slipped underneath them.

"I don't follow..."

"Harvey Specter." she repeated.

"What about him?" she growled, feeling somewhat resentful towards the man, he was a royal pain in the ass as far as Bertha was concerned.

"He was there."

"What?!" She exclaimed "Harvey...What!"

She nodded even though she knew Bertha wouldn't be able to see "Yeah, he...he lost his wife."

"Shit, that's heavy."

"Uhuh."

"Was it awkward between the two of you?"

Donna leant back into her pillow, staring at the ceiling as she tried to answer the question, was it awkward for her? Considering everything that had happened between them, it should have been. "I think I was too busying crying like an addicted fan girl when her favorite character gets killed off a show, to realize the monumental moment I was in."

"Is he still an absolute douche bag?"

Donna laughed "You know, you were the only one that thought that. And no, I don't know..."

"Are you going to go back? You might see him again."

"Yeah, I think I am." Donna finished her conversation with Bertha, a thoughtful smile remaining on her lips as she snuggled into her duvet wondering if there had been some higher reason as to why she and Harvey had crossed paths again. She wasn't religious, and any chance of her every becoming so vanished the day Stuart died, but she was a firm believer in fate and karma. Closing her eyes she let her hand glide over the unoccupied side of the bed feeling the cold sheets under her fingers, as the familiar sting of tears well up in her eyes.

They say time heals, but she was unconvinced, she just hoped that something or someone could eventually prove her wrong.

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><p><strong>WHAT UP!<strong>

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**Peace up, A town down.**


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